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Watching out for Numero Uno

“One” is my favorite U2 song, and a pretty cool song from Metallica.

It’s the name of one of my favorite card games, Uno, and pizzerias, Uno’s. But my love affair with the loneliest number ended Dec. 21. That’s the day the National Weather Service recorded a low of 1 degree in Indianapolis.

Things stop working when it gets that cold, like my lips, my fingers. And my car. I live in an apartment, which means that on Dec. 21 my poor Toyota Corolla bore the brunt of the arctic front that descended on the city. Keep in mind I moved here from Las Vegas. Sure, it got hot there, but I never had to scrape heat off my windshield.

The morning of Dec. 21 found my car encased in ice. I cracked open my passenger door to dump my bag in my car. No problem. But when I tried closing the door, it wouldn’t latch. The entire lock mechanism was frozen solid. “No problem,” I say to myself. “I’ll just hold it shut while I drive.” Remember the junior high science lesson about centrifugal force? How an object like, say, a car door, will spin away from a rotating body like, say, a car turning left? That lesson became very real to me Dec. 21. Needless to say, after my swinging car door twice stopped traffic within a mile of my apartment, I turned around and went home.

I’ve since stocked up on de-icer (three cans) and minus 30 degree windshield washer and a scraper as big as my arm. And in my cell phone I’ve programmed the phone numbers for “A”-rated Tyler Automotive and Last Chance Wrecker Service. Indianapolis natives tell me winter’s worst is yet to come. Next time, I plan to be ready!


Crazy for Christmas

Christmas is here. I’m so excited, it’s ridiculous. For some reason, finding out that Santa Claus doesn’t exist didn’t deter from the magic of the holiday season for me. I still get all watery-eyed when I see a house decked out in lights. I can’t help but pick up wrapped packages and shake them. I’ve managed to fit seven Christmas trees — of varying sizes — in my home. It’s sick really.

This year, the fact that money is tight hasn’t gotten me down a bit. Instead of buying pre-made gifts for loved ones, I’ve resorted to sharing my talents. I’ve done some drawings and paintings for family members, offered up my husband’s photography skills to others and baked cookies and other goodies for the rest. I had to make sure I was able to get all of this done though, so there was some preparation needed. Before any baking could begin, I checked the List and find someone to service our oven — I can’t have my good-baking name marred by burnt sugar cookies!


A house divided against itself cannot stand

A war’s been brewing in my house over the last eight months: It’s man vs. beast … cheapball vs. hairball … roommate vs. my dog.

My recent troubles started a few months back when my dog chewed my roommate’s cigarettes. He left them soggy, many of them broken. You could say this incident was the Bleeding Kansas before the full-blown Civil War.

My dog seems to chew on things. Strange things. Packs of cigarettes. Wallets. Screwdrivers. Money. He loves money. Not change but cash. It’s disappointing and expensive. He took out a couch cushion and two matching pillows last week. And guess who owns the couch?

So I wasn’t surprised when my “roomie” was in a panic the other day. The casualty? Another pack of cigarettes. Let me tell you, don’t mess with a smoker and their fix. It can get scary. And this time Sherman tore apart each stick of tobacco — that left nothing for my roommate, who wasn’t happy.

But I was scared. It appeared like my dog ate 15 cigarettes. Do you know what they put in those things? I watched over the little guy like a hawk, waiting for any sign of poisoning: gagging, choking, puking, anything.

I hit the Internet. Did you know that nicotine is used as a pesticide? It can cause seizures, problems breathing, vomiting and even death if ingested in the right amounts. Three or four cigarettes worth of nicotine can kill an adult, if absorbed directly into the bloodstream at once. Pretty scary.

I can report that my dog is fine. He seemed to rip them apart, rather than eat the tobacco. I doubt he even ingested half a cigarette. The only problems I noticed was bad gas and a irritated roommate, and that’s normal. And the roommate won’t let me forget.

This initial skirmish is my home’s Fort Sumter. I see nothing but bloodshed on the horizon.

Ladies and gentleman, the war has begun. And a house divided against itself cannot stand.


Holiday inflatables are debatable

Inflatable lawn decor is debatable to blogger.

Along my route to work, there’s a house with a yard full of holiday cheer — of the inflatable variety. I’ve got to say: I gawk at it every morning. Personally, I’m no fan of these inflatable giants as lawn decor. I guess I’m just more of a traditionalist — wire your house with an abundance of twinkly lights so it can be seen from the moon — Clark Griswold style, as Twinkle has mentioned.

What do you think?


“This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here …”

So, I’m excited about the holiday season. It does seem like the actual holiday is taking forever to get here, however. Even though I know I should be more of a grown-up, I can’t help but be enthusiastic. I’m dreaming of my grandmother’s homemade fudge and divinity, of ambrosia … and chocolate pie and dressing and turkey and … and …And who cares about the presents??

One thing I do know is that I love decorating. My favorite place during the holidays is my grandparents’ house, dripping with lights and tinsel. It’s just not so easy for them to decorate nowadays. They are getting pretty up there in age, and they will never admit they can’t do something — even at age 87. But, it’s tough climbing ladders, toting things, positioning those eight tiny reindeer and aligning those life-size candy canes down the front walk.

And what to my surprise did I spy on the List while doing research for a podcast? There are people who will actually come out and DECORATE FOR YOU! How  incredibly fun! I want that job. Can you imagine getting up in the morning and your job is to be a veritable Clark Griswold? Rad!

Happy holidays!


Hiring help saves time

Like many parents out there, I’m feeling fairly overwhelmed with the holidays, and trying to remember to enjoy the holiday and its spirit of giving.

And what I’d like most to give (and get if I’m honest here) is time.

That’s where I figure Angie’s List can come into play. There are hundreds of service providers who give people time. Why not contact one or more of them for a gift certificate for loved ones? If the fees are more than you would normally spend on a gift, go in with other friends to provide the gift certificate.

A quick scan of categories gave me plenty of ideas for gift certificates:

  1. Personal chef
  2. Dog walker
  3. Carpet cleaners
  4. House cleaning
  5. Handyman
  6. Snow removal
  7. Personal trainer
  8. Errand runners
  9. Masseuse
  10. Hair stylist

I guarantee you that your friends and families will be grateful for the gift of a stress-free, home-cooked meal, tidy house or seeing odd repair jobs completed.


Angels, lifesavers and superheroes … in Iowa

What do I get for those people on my Christmas list who rescued me from a northeastern Iowa highway during a raging blizzard last Dec. 23rd while I was stranded, unconscious and going into seizures after my car was demolished by a pickup truck?

What should I do for the Oelwein, Iowa, ER nurse? She admitted me to the hospital, stabilized me, gave me a hot meal and a free night’s lodging. Then, with her husband, drove 10 hours out of her way on her day off — which also happened to be Christmas Eve — to get me to my parents’ house in St. Paul so I could catch my flight home to San Diego.

For the tow truck driver: He towed my demolished Honda — actually, my mom’s demolished Honda (see photo) — to his barn, retrieved my sister’s CDs, mittens and other stuff from the back seat and mailed them, on his own dime, back to my mom at home in St. Paul?

That’s the dilemma facing me this holiday season, a year after the accident happened and the gathering of Iowa angels formed around me. How to thank people whose outrageous generosity can’t possibly be repaid in full?

I started work at Angie’s List magazine as a staff writer in November. Scanning the List led to an epiphany: I can start the process by filing reports on them.

The List doesn’t have categories for Angels, Lifesavers or Superheroes. Yet. But the stranger who rescued me from the snow-covered highway owns a construction company, which I can rate. And the nurse works at a hospital, which I have rated. And the tow-truck driver owns a company that I can rate, too.

Before I started work here, I thought of the List as more of a place to give scoundrels their comeuppance. But now I know it’s also a place to give heroes their due.


Acupuncture for the holidays

Forget the stocking stuffers: Old St. Nick can bring me a needle.  It’s been over a year since I’ve had acupuncture. I can’t help but laugh whenever I think of the ridiculous questions I asked my acupuncturist.  Questions from,  “What if I faint or go into cardiac arrest on the table?” to “Is there some magic potion in the needle and do you reuse them?”

She assured me to never go to an acupuncturist who reuses needles and that I was in good hands.  I was still a little doubtful.  I was merely there as a guinea pig for my story.  I wanted to write about the history and benefits of acupuncture and my editors at the time suggested, “Val should try it.”

I had to think of some health problems or concerns I wanted the acupuncturist to treat.  I asked her to treat my recurring sinus headaches/pressure and back of the neck pain.

When the first needle pierced my skin, it was like an alarm went off in my body.  That little needle she placed in my hand unleashed a sensational power throughout my body that awakened my senses.  This weird sensation I experienced was known as “chi.” Chi, in Asian tradition, is the life force, which permeates the world. In addition to being in all living beings, chi is a metaphysical construct used for self-healing.

Whatever “chi” was doing, I liked it! After the first needle, I couldn’t feel the other 13 hair-like needles that were sticking out of different parts of me.  All I knew is that something was happening in my body.  After having acupuncture, I was temporarily relieved (for about two months) of all sinus pressure and neck pain.  However, I was informed that my symptoms may return.  My acupuncturist said I needed several more treatments to rid my sinus problem. But she mentioned, in some rare cases, one treatment could do the trick. Unfortunately I wasn’t a rare case, but I must say the experience made me a believer.  As a holiday treat to myself, I am using the List to find a good acupuncturist to finish what I started.


The flurry before the fun

This week is a short week for us here at the Blue House. We’re closed Thursday and Friday for Thanksgiving (and post-Thanksgiving shopping) as I’m sure most offices are. And there’s nothing I like more than a good holiday full of family, friends and food. But why is it that the days leading up to such a holiday oftentimes are the most stressful days of all?

Granted, I’m not the one cooking the bird this Thursday, but I’ve still got a lot on my plate. We’re traveling out of town for the weekend, which means laundry and packing — and with a 1-year-old you can never pack too many clothes! I’m dreading my trip to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients I need in order to make my “dish.” And, to top it all off I’m running in a 10K Thanksgiving morning. (If you remember from my previous posts I use the term “run” very loosely.) I wonder if the List has anyone who specializes in “holiday help” that I could hire? Or, at this point, I think I’d hire someone just to run the race for me. I know, I know, it’s my own doing. Sigh …

But I know that if I can get the laundry done and clothes packed, if I can tidy up the loose ends here at work, if I can successfully contribute a “dish” to the big meal AND somehow cross the finish line (other than on a stretcher) — I know I’ll have a house full of family and fantastic food to look forward to. And I couldn’t be more thankful.


Spam can kill spam

I’m going to divert from the typical stuff discussed here. I’m sure you’re on the end of your seat, anticipating what I’ll discuss. Let’s go back in time to when the Beatniks were cool, juvenile delinquency was on the rise, Playboy was just beginning and Grace Kelley was simply beautiful. I’m talking about the 1950s and Spam.

Why Spam? Because I didn’t know there were so many darn types out there!

Here in the Blue House we like to kid around with each other. Typically this involves many “reply all” e-mail chains that spin out of control like a Midwestern tornado. If you step away from your desk during one of these “spam storms” you return to 15,000 e-mails talking about stuff on cats or pies in the office kitchen.

I like to wait for the right moment in these “spam storms.” Typically this happens on e-mail No. 526. Why No. 526? I have no idea, but when we pass that magic number, I like to send out a picture of a Spam can to shut everybody up. I’m sure my co-workers love me for this.

So in honor of Spam (the mystery meat type) killing spam (the electronic type), I’ve decided to post a bunch of Spam can pictures and throw a few interesting facts about Spam out there. Here you go:

• Despite associating Spam with the 1950s, I’ve learned it was actually introduced in 1937.

• The original name was Hormel Spiced Ham, but then shortened it to Spam.

• Austin, Minn. is home to Spam Jam, a carnival devoted to the mystery meat every Fourth of July. Don’t you think they would’ve picked a better day?

• The Spam Jam is not to be confused with Space Jam, Michael Jordan’s best movie.

• The Spam Jam is not to be confused with Spamarama, which is a yearly festival held around April Fool’s Day in Austin, Texas. Really? April Fools Day? OK …

• Spam was one of the few foods excluded from British food rationing during the World War II. Hitler was defeated; Churchill thanked Spam.

• Since World War II Spam has become very popular in Japan. No punch line. That’s the joke.

And that’s all I know. Feel free to pull a picture off this blog to send out when you feel you’re getting spammed (the electronic type).